carving my own lane
unexplained pain
I’d like to be candid in my first letter of 2025.
For the latter part of last year - I have not been in a good way and feel I need to tailor this world to my needs more as we enter a new year. A few months ago I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia - it’s a diagnosis i’ve been chasing for a number of years now and with it comes relief, validation but simultaneously the reality of my condition is fully setting in and it feels pretty bleak in all honesty.
I’ve suffered from chronic pain in my head for over twelve years - it’s unexplained - it’s constant, unceasing and it ranges from bad to excruciating. Over time it now seems to have spread all over my body - my weakness, fatigue and pain is at an all time high, my body doesn’t relax or rest and the realities of this career become less and less viable. That being said I never give up hope and hold myself as somebody who can battle anything - but the silver lining of this modern age is that I can reach you all from afar - it has it’s pitfalls but it’s something i’ll never lose. I plan to communicate through this platform more this year and am touched by the amount of followers here already.
The industry is a stale game - there’s a blueprint to follow that does not account for everyone’s needs - I find myself unwilling to show ‘weakness’ on social media in case an agent/manager/promoter might not want to work with me - this is me letting go of that weight and carving my own lane - the industry remains ableist to be frank - I will find a way around it all - I always do - I love to play live - more than anything I just want to feel more empowered in how I design the roads ahead rather than overexerting myself or suffering more than is necessary.
Creatively I am flourishing - there is much on the way within each realm of my work - as much as anyone I don’t want to live online but streaming/buying my music/merchandise means all the more to me because of this. Watching my monthly listeners surpass 100,000 in December while I had hardly left the house made me feel emotional, fulfilled and less restricted by my disability - it makes it all worth it.
Recently as a thank you and after so many asking I made our live session of ‘126’ available on streaming platforms - this song is part of a new record that we are working on so there will also be a studio version at some point - but we are very proud of this live take.
There are four avenues I am actively working in that all tie together in my black and white world - aside from making music as Route 500 and D. Inver, I’m placing more time and energy into my artworks and getting back behind the camera - exploring addiction, dissociation and celebrating queerness so please take a look and support these endeavours on my socials below - I plan on making some photobooks/zines this year.
[thrillseeker striking matches: storyboard] - watch the music video.
I have a good feeling about this year and share that hope to you all x
I have two very special full band shows coming up and they are both FREE entry:
The Great Escape Showcase at The Old Blue Last, London: FEB 20
In Celebration of Low at St. George’s Church, Brighton: FEB 28
Happy 2025 ⟡ - Derek x
